Guna Die Alone part 2 (less jizz I promise)

First let me say thanks for reading. This may very well be what keeps me from embarking on some murderous rampage where I probably will jizz on everyone. Anyway, as I promised at the end of my last post, it's story time folks.

My best friend recently told me that my life can be rather similar to a soap opera, and after thinking about it a bit, I think he's right. While I could go on for days about past events and epic tales, it's time to focus on the future. This is about my latest debacle. So if you care to read, here is a story about women.

Before I get started I'd like to address the female readers. For as much shit as I give women, I can't deny that I love women, possibly more than anything else. Though you should know that it pains me to say so, but I'm a realist. I love the way they look, feel and, smell. I love the way that some women's skin is almost feathery to the touch, its own warm ebrace. I love the way their hair drapes down around their shoulders and the way their pheromones mix in with scented shampoo. It's faint, but it's there. And let's face it people everybody loves tits, I don't care who you are. Burying your face between a gorgeous pair of tits is like that scene from Gladiator when he finally dies and he's walking through that field to meet his family. It just feels like home. Anyway fuck Russell Crowe, here's the precursor my story. It lets you know what state of mind I'm in, which is the overall point of my rambling.

I guess I should start last April 2008. It was my birthday and we had a party at my house. I met this girl named Sarah (I'll use her real name because I won't say anything bad about her, a privilege I afford to few) who is the friend of my roomates girlfriend. Sarah was visting from Florida. I can't begin to tell you how much I like Sarah, or I should say how much I came to like her over the next 2 weeks she was in town.

We hooked up on my birthday, and shockingly enough I wasn't even really that drunk, which is not like me at all. I generally don't have sober sex because I have this problem where I hate everyone. I generally rate women by how many drinks it will take for me to fuck them. It has very little to do with beer goggles, in case you were concerned. To be honest until Sarah came along I hadn't had sex with a girl that I liked in close to 6 years. That's 6 years of having hate sex. Do you know how much hate sex you can have in 6 years? A fuck ton that's how much.

Now I've had sex with what I would consider to be a fair amount of girls. During that 6 years of hate sex I thought it best to remain the man whore I always knew myself to be. I won't say I've fucked an obscenely large amount of girls, but it's a number one can be proud of, from the whore perspective. I also have a unique and ridiculous story to go along with each one.

This information is relevant because I never get sauce. Now I'm not talking about BBQ sauce, tartar sauce, pizza sauce, or hot sauce or anything fucking stupid like that. I'm talking about jizz (had to throw a little in there). When I say I never get sauce, I mean I never have an orgasm. This is something only my close friends know. It's hard to blow your load when you're concentrating so hard just to keep an erection because your drunk and you absolutely loath the girl you're penetrating. But remember I like Sarah. I got sauce with Sarah every single time.

Toward the end of her visist she was sleeping at my house almost every night. On top of being some of the best sex I've ever had, I just liked spending time with her. She was in no way like the girls I'm used to fucking. For one I could talk to her. I actually liked talking to her. One of my biggest issues with women is that I've never felt like I've found a girl that is my intellectual equal.

Now before your panties get tangled ladies, I'm not saying that women are stupid. I've never thought that women are stupid, or less intelligent than men. If anything women are probably smarter than men. Still I'd rather be dumb and have a penis. Cause that penis means even if you are smarter I still make more money than you do. Seriously, if you bitches are anything it's fucking crazy. One of the greats mysteries that will no doubt be pondered by humanity until the sun finally explodes is how can you ladies be so god damn insane. Anyway my point is that I've never found a girl that I could connect with intellectually. Sarah was the exception.

So we hung out together, we talked and I actually enjoyed myself. We slept together almost every night, and for the first time in a while I felt content, even though I knew it wouldn't last.

Incidentally, Sarah was the only girl ever, out of my giant army of sluts to ever give me an orgasm via oral sex. It might have been my greatest sexual moment ever. I seem to remember losing my powers of speech and having to communicate through sign language before I was about to blow, since I didn't want to wade in her face. Might not have expected me to say that given my last post, but as I said she is the exception. After that my vision went blurry and I turned into a fire hose. There may still be some jizz stains on my ceiling, I'm not sure. Oh and her vagina tasted like rose petals scattered across the polished marble floors of Valhalla.

Then the day came when she left. We'd had 2 weeks together, and any longer I'm sure she would have gotten tired of me, at least that's what I like to think. To be honest I didn't take it very well. She lives in Florida where she attends grad school, and I understood that's where she needs to be. That's where I want her to be, because that will make her happy. My presence would only stifle things.

So after she left we kept in touch fairly regularly through e-mails and text messages, but you know how these things go. But before all that I of course decided that I needed to immediately revert back to my usual self destructive behavior and go right out and fuck someone else, because I had no other way of dealing. That's also my way of saying I have no other way of dealing.

To begin with I wasn't completelty honest with her after that. Which makes me want to fucking dive right into traffic. Fuck me. If there's anything that I'm truly famous for it's being brutally honest all the time. Sometimes I'll temper my comments with a bit of tact but usually I always just say what's on my mind. I was so upset, however, that I actually convinced myself to tell Sarah (over e-mail mind you, that's what a coward I am) that she shouldn't wait for me or pass down any opportunities as a result of me, because I'm not worth it blah blah lies lies! What I really wanted to say was how much I missed her and that it wasn't fair we lived so far apart, but maybe we could fix that. I also told her I had been seeing other girls. She didn't like that.

Still it's important to remember that at the time I told myself I needed to stay here in fucking Fort Collins and finish school. That's changed now seeing as how I'm taking time off of school before my fucking head explodes from frustration. Circumstance is in a constant state of flux. I wish I would have remembered that. Also remember that given my usual routine and personality, I had had something really great. I had legitimately been happy. The only logical thing to do after that was to piss all over it and flush it down the drain so I could be miserable again. Miserable = comfortable.

Within the week I started going on dates again, but I had a hard time focusing, since I hate everyone, and subsequently had a hard time sealing the deal. Finally, I hooked up with this girl that I wasn't even attracted to really. I just wanted a warm body and something I could use to ruin myself later on. I made her feel real special. I won't use her real name either. To be short, the sex was awful, I hated it, and she was an ice queen. I felt like shit afterwards, it spawned an entire ordeal of nonsense that isn't even worth talking about, and of course, no sauce.

Finally, one morning I'm sitting in class. It was one of those awful summer classes that meets for hours everyday, much earlier than I was comfotable with. I made it a point to come in filthy and hung-over everyday and be as mean to everyone as they could stand. I can always stand worse. I was doing a great job of staring off into space when my phone rings. It's Sarah. I answer my phone in the middle of my teacher's lecture, return all the scowls I recieve with my best fuck you look as I walk out the door. I got a B in that class. I never did a fucking thing.

In the hallway we chit chat, and I tell her it's good to hear her voice. She proceeds to tell me that she had recently gone home to Pennsylvania to visist her folks before returning to Florida for school. While she was there I guess some guy she new confessed his love for her and they were going to date. Long distance mind you. He still had me beat. I could never give her the commitment I wanted to. Ruining everything is just so much easier than maintaining. Miserable = comfortable. I think the guy's name is Bobby, but I never remember because I fucking hate him.

How much do I hate him you might ask? Well let me just add that in the past 7 months or so since she told me that, he's actually broken up with her because she was too successful and he coduldn't handle it. They got back togbether of course over the holidays, but are you fucking serious Bobby? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS! Sarah is pretty awesome and successful, I'll admit that, but the fact that she's motivated and attending a higher level education program is too successful for that retard to handle makes me want to eat babbies! Actually it makes me want to bite the throats out of babbies and then drop kick them into blind people crossing the street!

I like to imagine that fucking moron begging her to take him back, crawling on his knees. He must have realized that he's too fucking retarded and socially inpet for other people to stand, let alone women who don't have the kind and patient disposition that sarah does. My theory is he came to the conclusion that he'll never get laid so the best he can hope for is stroking off to her voice over the phone even though she's just asking how his day was. Not only would I jizz all over this clown, but I'd like to poke both his eyes out with my cock and fuck his brain till he's dead. Though it's likely that I still won't get sauce, but I'll try for damn sure.

Again I'll remind you that he beat me.

Anyway so after she told me, I just pretended like I didn't care because it was her life and I wasn't going to be a major part of it. I was also too much of a coward to tell her about the ice queen I had been seeing. Though I finally did not long after. I toss my phone down and start screaming and kicking shit in the hallway, interrupting every class around me. I was really hoping someone was going to to come out and say something to me so I could do to them what I imagined doing to this Bobby character. No one ever did say anything to me. I just received a wide array of stares, of both pity and contempt. I went back to class.

So I admit this wasn't the story I promised you when I started on part 2. It probably wasn't very interesting for you either, but this is my blog and I needed to get it out. This explanation was intended to be about a paragraph long, but apparantly it needed a bit more attention.

Still, this whole rant sets everything up for the events that followed. I had no other choice but to embark on a rampage of destruction. The kind this blog is supposed to keep me from doing. And oh what a rampage it was. It involves a lot of whiskey and about 5 women.

So if you care to, keep reading for part three.