Guna Die Alone part 4

Alright! Where was I? Ah, yes.



So Gypsy came back into town and I woke up from my comma. My drinking was still kind of out of control, at least so some people have told me. My response to them, however, was along the lines of, "May I offer you a nice tall glass of "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"



Fucking seriously. All you concerned citizens can eat a fucking cock. I know when I'm fucking out of control, and if you think I don't then you're a fucking retard and haven't been paying attention to anything I've said so far. When you destroy yourself proffesionally, you're always aware of possible repercussions. That's the whole god damn point. Miserable = comfortable, and I like being fucking comfortable.



But anyway I still drank a lot, which influenced my activities with this girl. I'm just not the dinner and a movie type of guy anymore. Who really wants to sit through some shitty meal at a restaurant you couldn't really afford to begin with, because you think that will impress her. Somewhere down the line someone gave us fellas the impression that women like guys with money. Now I wonder who did that? Oh yeah! WOMEN DID! With that fucking superficial nesting instinct you all seem to have. Well I'm poor and always will be, so why don't you get a job and suppport me. I'm fine being a house man. You go to work and convince yourself that your independent and all that makebelieve shit, and I'll stay home and clean and do the laundry. Shit I'll even cook you dinner and fuck you every night. I think that's a fair trade since I never really want to have a job or do anything.



There I go getting distracted again. As I was saying, dates are garbage. You sit through a shitty dinner you can't afford and partake in awkward conversation about nothing just so you both can pretend to be interested in each other's lives. After that, more bullshit as you have to endure some god fucking awful romantic comedy she wanted to see, because she's a girl and girls like bad movies. After that you drive her worthless ass home to fish for a kiss. Except I don't own a car anymore, so that bitch would be picking up my worthless ass. Maybe you kiss her in the car, maybe you go in and fuck, maybe nothing happens and your pissed you even fucking bothered.



Now why would you ever do any of that when you could both just go out and get drunk, and then go home and fuck. That's what everybody wants anyway.



This is what I did with gypsy.



Now if you recall, when I went out with this girl before she went abroad, we never really got together. This was, as far as I could tell, for two main reasons. The first reason being that she had recently been divorced and was planning on taking that trip. She got married in her early 20's for the record.



Now don't even get me fucking started on young people getting married. What the fuck is wrong with everyone! You can't even legally drink booze and you want to get married. Jesus fucking Christ! That's a blog for another day.



The second reason, which was the one that irritated me the most, was how fucking popular this girl was. Anytime I went anywhere with this chick she would get mobbed by loads of friends and other various losers that just wanted to talk to her about stupid fucking retarded shit. One of the hazards of seeing a girl that's in a band.



So we decided it just wasn't going to happen that first time. She was a mess after her divorce, about to leave the country, and I could barely get 5 minutes alone with her. I figured we'd at least have some hate sex, but it just didn't happen. Oh well.



Now when she came back for round 2 I had somehow convinced myself that all of those things that kept us apart the first time would be different. Again this just proves what a fucking imbecile I am when it come to these things. They were slightly easier to deal with, but they were there.



So here's how we got back together.



I was at work walking around keeping an eye on all the drunk people. I had been picking up empty glasses to help out the bartenders when I noticed some long blonde hair and the back of a familiar face. I may not always remember names, but body parts generally don't give me any trouble.



It hits me again. And suddenly I remember how much I liked this girl, and now she's back. So I go up and say hello, I give her a hug and we make small talk for some stupid reason. She had apparantly gotten back into town not long ago, and had come in to see some of her friends play.

My attention then shifted to the band that was playing in the bar, which I had been doing almost everything in my power to ignore, because indy rock is fucking stupid and was never good, especially in a small town like Fort Collins, and especially when the scene is run by the hipster thrift store gestapo.



The bar was pretty busy, which tells us that everyone likes shitty music, and I tell her I should get back to work. I get the brilliant idea to ignore her for the rest of the night and let her come to me. Seems I felt like she owed me. Now for as smooth as I can be, and considering I don't really have a hard time getting laid, I can be a big fucking retard when it comes to women.



Let her come to me! Ha! What was I thinking? Women are rarely ever aggressive at all unless they're wasted. Yes folks, that is foreshadowing.



Now I feel the need to address this for a moment. Do you ladies have any idea how fucking irritating it is to always have to be the predator in the courtship process? It's absolutely exhausting. I'd be doing you false if I said part of me didn't love it, but for the most part I'm a lazy fucker.



Now for you girls that are on the market, so to speak, I'd like to inform you that you've most likely missed your shot with your dream guy. Time to go out and buy 50 cats and get a sewing kit so you can knit slippers for all your friends who got married and had kids.



This is because men are afraid of you, believe it or not. Specifically men are afraid to talk to you. Well, I'm not, but the rest of those insecure crybaby faggots are. I've told my friends that I get laid more than they do for 2 reasons. 1, I'm an asshole, and girls like that for some stupid fucking reason, because girls are dumb. 2, I score more chicks because I get rejected more.



I hate hearing about how fucking sad all these whiny ass pussies are about breaking up with their girlfriends, or how hard it is to meet girls blah blah blah. In the specific case of my friends and me, sure I've scored more chicks, but I've also been rejected by more girls than all of them combined. Just be a man and get over it already. That's my message for every man.



As for you girls, here's my advice. If you like a dude, even a little go talk to him. If you tell a dude you like him, it's almost a guarantee he will accept you. We're men and we are animals, in the truest sense of the word. Anyman who disagrees with that is a fucking lier.



You ladies have a hard time with this, however, because you think if you're aggressive we'll think you're a dirty skank or something. Well I got news for you. No matter what you do, we'll still think you're a dirty skank, so grow up and get over it. There have been several occasions where I had a notion to go and talk to a girl I found attractive in the bars and what not, but didn't because I felt too fucking lazy and just wanted to sip my beer.



Anyway, with that in mind, I was stupid for thinking she'd come up and talk to me. She just left without saying goodbye. I got a wave.



A little time goes by and she comes back in for another bad show. We interact similarly to the way we did before, except this time I pulled my head out of my ass. I planned on just asking her out when I got the chance. The bar was really busy, because like I said earlier people like things that suck, so I had a hard time finding a free moment to go over and talk to her. Finally I just say fuck it, and I decide I'll just wait until the end of the night before she leaves to talk to her. By then she'd be a little sauced and possible more enamored with me than usual.



It's the end of the night, and I do my usual routine of kicking everyone out by screaming for everyone to go home and fuck themselves before I get angry and fuck them in their stupid faces. Gypsy comes up to me, and she is absolutley fucking annihilated. She starts babbling something to me I couldn't really understand, because she was really really really trashed.



Her friend walks up to us and mentions something about how she thinks gypsy got ruffied, because she didn't see her drink that much.



Oh hilarious! So for a moment or 2 I entertain the idea that some coward fag frathole shitcan, might have actually sliped her a pill. There isn't a lot I can really do about it at this point, but I still use it as an excuse to interrogate and be mean to a bunch of guys minding their own business as they leave the bar. Finally I decide that she's just really drunk.

Oh and for all you coward fag frahole shitcans out there that actually slip girls pills, I fucking hate you. I'm sorry you're too fucking inept and pathetic to hook up with girls in a legit fashion, you have to resort to drugging them. It's because of you fucking worthless piles of shit that people decided it's not ok to be a man anymore. I'd like to bend all of you over and hate fuck your assholes till you bleed to death. Then we can get on with our lives.

So she keeps babbling all this nonsense to me that I still can't understand because she's wasted and can't form words. Trying to understand her could be equated to teaching Hellen Keller how to do a Sudoku. It just isn't worth it. I did manage to decipher a few things. Basically she wanted to tell me that she felt bad about how we never had a chance to get together the last time.



Ok, now we're getting somewhere. I get her number from her friend, and I call her the next day. She, of course, doesn't remember our interaction at all but whatever. I ask her out and it's on.



This is when I start budgeting my time betwen ladies.



Now in part 5 the next 2 girls enter the fray and the real fiasco starts to unfold.